Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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