youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
