Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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