If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
