eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
