Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.

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(214): did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date. http://tfl.nu/9ydt

Replies (1) Good night (951) Bad night (1017)
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(415): View more from California

Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um

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(415): Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um http://tfl.nu/bp62

Replies (8) Good night (679) Bad night (1637)
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(313): View more from Michigan

Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.

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(313): Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone. http://tfl.nu/vfbd

Replies (40) Good night (14468) Bad night (1732)
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(818): View more from California

Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?

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(818): Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me? http://tfl.nu/awe5

Replies (45) Good night (2385) Bad night (1020)
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(253): View more from Washington

Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.

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(253): Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college. http://tfl.nu/tulo

Replies (40) Good night (6615) Bad night (1708)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?

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(734): Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life? http://tfl.nu/8b6j

Replies (20) Good night (4442) Bad night (1198)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.

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(267): The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon. http://tfl.nu/yrqs

Replies (8) Good night (1212) Bad night (3916)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him

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(508): He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him http://tfl.nu/0v7f

Replies (4) Good night (5821) Bad night (1094)
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(205): View more from Alabama

the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.

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(205): the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome. http://tfl.nu/nwqx

Replies (13) Good night (2445) Bad night (1243)
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(613): View more from Ontario

You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.

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(613): You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best. http://tfl.nu/snhs

Replies (5) Good night (2854) Bad night (1775)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go

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(902): Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go http://tfl.nu/ajer

Replies (7) Good night (1155) Bad night (465)
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(702): View more from Nevada

It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...

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(702): It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall... http://tfl.nu/3zyu

Replies (6) Good night (576) Bad night (733)
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(434): View more from Virginia

In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.

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(434): In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult. http://tfl.nu/0of3

Replies (4) Good night (528) Bad night (1176)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it

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(701): He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it http://tfl.nu/1dio

Replies (5) Good night (455) Bad night (973)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle

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(203): Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle http://tfl.nu/2uwk

Replies (1) Good night (474) Bad night (366)

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