the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.