Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
