he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
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We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.