Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
