I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
