Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Drunk is a universal language darling
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