I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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