Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you inspire me to be a worse person
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
