im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My vagina just clenched in fear
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
