Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
