Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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