You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
