dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
