My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
