i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
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I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
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We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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