is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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