In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
