We're facebook friends in real life
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
