facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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