he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize