so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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