i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
