Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Is it because I queefed?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Randomize
