dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i need some magic done to my vagina
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
