oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
