you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
