i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
