I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
