Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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