we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
