I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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