You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
