Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
