I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How does it feel to date your dad?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
