Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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