ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
