Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Let's get the cat blown out
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
