Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
