I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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