there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
