I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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