I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
