I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am available for nakedness
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
