I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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