omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
