You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
