sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
