the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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