Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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