you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
