All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Im part way to drunk.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
