Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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