i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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