Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
