he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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