He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
