Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
