Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
